Dream, not nightmare
by RadiantUltra
Summary: Everyone is dead, and it's his fault. Slight AU and warnings for self harm.


**New story so yeah, hope I got my spellings and facts right...**

**Grrr, headache over wondering if this should be rated M...I think not?**

**Disclaimer: Don't own no nothing~**

* * *

It was the distinct feeling of wetness that eventually shook him out of his state stupor.

Ah, rain.

It was only drizzling now, but if he didn't hurry home now he would most likely be caught in the heavy shower that would soon follow.

He took a small step in the direction of his apartment and paused.

But it didn't matter did it? It was not like anyone was waiting for him at home. Not like there was anyone waiting for him at all.

He was all alone.

Hatake Kakashi decided to continue on his stroll.

* * *

Halfway through his walk, he somehow found himself back at the memorial stone.

Although he found it quite strange that he would always himself end up here after blanking out for periods of time, the teen had long stopped caring. It could just be his subconscious way of reminding himself of his various failures. But since he was already here, why waste the opportunity?

Kneeling down in front of the stone, he gently traced the names of the three most important people of his life.

Nohara Rin

Namikaze Minato

Uchiha Obito

Gradually, the soothing tracing became harsher as though the prodigy wanted to engrave their names even deeper into the thick slab of stone. The sharp edges of the carved characters dug deep into his hand drawing blood. Kakashi unconsciously relished in the pain. It helped take his mind off the other pains that were threatening to shatter him into pieces.

It took him a long while to realise that it was quite literally pouring now and he was soaked to the bone. A quick glance at the sky showed that he had probably been out in the rain for a few hours.

He was suddenly struck by how cold he actually was and started shivering violently. It didn't help that he had pretty much just enough chakara to keep functioning at the moment since he had just returned from a taxing ANBU mission.

Oh well, he would have to stay cold until he reached his apartment.

* * *

He didn't even have to think as he removed his armour and weapons. It was automatic now, so much so that he made the mistake of letting his thoughts wonder...

_It had been two years since the last of his precious people died. Minato sensei's broken body, the once sunny blond hair stained crimson with-_

NO! He gave himself a mental slap. He could, and would not let his mind wonder in that direction. Konoha was still a mess after the Kyuubi attack. The village could not afford having one of its best shinobi having a breakdown now.

The damage however, was already done. He suddenly felt very tired, but he couldn't sleep now. He hadn't finished removing his weapons...

Eventually, he gave in to his body's demands and fell to his bed out like a light.

* * *

"Teme!"

Obito stared at him with an empty socket leaking blood that gave the illusion of tears. His entire right side was reduced to a pulpy red mesh, where blood cascaded out and pooled at the ground. Obito gave Kakashi a crooked grin, as blood dribbled out of his mouth, several teeth missing. The shattered bones stuck out of his crushed flesh like sore thumbs.

"Kakashi-kun!"

Rin's sweet voice rang out. She stepped out of seemingly nowhere and joined Obito. Her face was still beautiful and perfect, and could have passed off as a living being if not for her chest that gave it all away.

For no human could live with such a gaping hole in their chest. Like Obito, blood was gushing out of the hole which could be seen through her partially burnt clothes. The area around the wound was warped into a hideous mess of pink and red partially melted flesh seeping blood, the severe burns that decorated her chest easily visible. She smiled at him, showing her blood-stained white teeth.

"Kashi-kun."

Finally, team seven was complete as the blond Yodaime arrived to join his students. He flashed his brilliant sunny smile even as red blood dripped from his hair and mouth, and his once pristine white cloak was now as red as the Kyuubi's fur. His stomach, where the fox's claw had struck, was gaping wide open. As blood poured out, his intestines and other insides fell out together with bits of broken bone that had shattered upon impact from the fox's claw.

Instead of running away in horror, Kakashi ran towards them instead.

Then, it was as though a spell had broken.

The boy had no time to react as Minato slammed him to the ground. He felt several ribs crack at the impact and his vision blurred.

"Tell me, what happened to my son?!"

His sensei and teammates' faces had contorted into something ugly, features twisted to the point where he could barely recognise them.

The pressure on his chest increased and several broken ribs pierced his lungs. He gave a gurgled cough and blood leaked from the corner of his mouth.

"I thought we had finally become friends, but you left me to die!"

Obito ripped out Kakashi's transplanted sharingan and blood spurted from the now empty socket.

"You promised to protect me...and yet you kill me by your own hands!"

Rin brutally punched a hole through the silver haired teen's chest.

"I entrusted my son to you, and yet what else have you done for him besides letting him suffer?!"

Minato yanks on his student's right arm, pulling it out at the shoulder.

Through all this, Kakashi is eerily silent.

"You left me to die!"

SPLURT!

"I hate you!"

SQUEALCH!

"Disgraceful! You're even worse than your father!"

CRUNCH!

The air around the teen became suffocating. While his precious people continued to brutally mutilate him, he simply stared on ahead, unconcerned as to what was being done to him. His vision was a red haze and coupled with the sound of ripping flesh, the whole situation seemed oddly surreal. It might have hurt, but he knew he deserved this. No, even this wasn't enough. There was no way he could ever make it up them, not with all the times he had failed them.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

His crazed murmurings continued throughout the night.

* * *

The moment Kakashi woke up, he immediately stumbled to the toilet where he proceeded to throw up the merge content of his stomach.

It was only then did he realise that the events of last night were only a dream.

The guilt and despair bubbled up again.

It was eating him whole, and he could barely breathe. He suddenly felt like he was suffocating. No…no, no! The pain, the guilt, itwasgoingtocausehimtobreakdown-

Then the anger came.

The intense feeling of frustration at himself washed over him. He was useless, weak and pathetic. He couldn't do anything right, not even atoning for his mistakes!

The pain, it was consuming him! He needed something, anything!

Anything to get rid of it!

Anything to distract him!

He was desperate now, like a drowning man clutching at straws.

Looking up into the toilet mirror, their enraged faces from the dream flashed past.

Startled, Kakashi punched the mirror and watched mutely as it shattered into a millions pieces.

The pain from his bleeding knuckles felt wonderful. It was distracting him from the other pain that threatened to drive him off the edge into insanity.

It was with an almost childlike fascination that he clutched a piece of the broken glass and drew a shallow cut along his arm. The lively red substance that was shed to casually by shinobi everyday beaded and dripped onto the cold bathroom tiles.

It sparked off a reaction.

In a trance like manner, Kakashi viciously slashed his wrists and drew deep gashes along his arms. Blood flew and stained the entire area around him. Then in a flash of inspiration, he forced the piece of glass through his left hand till the bloodied tip protruded out from his palm. He twisted the shard a few times for good measure before wrenching it out. The force was so great that blood splattered the white walls.

It hurt, it really hurt but Kakashi loved it so. It helped in calming him down, even if the solution was only temporary. He deserved this pain and that much was certain. As much as he liked it, he really couldn't afford to do this too often as it would eventually hinder his ability to complete missions successfully.

He got up frowning as the wound throbbed painfully. A shuddering breath was taken as he braced himself for the journey to his bedroom. Letting his mangled arm hang limply, he entered his room to search for bandages leaving a trail of blood behind. It wouldn't be good if he bled to death while still being able to serve as a useful tool for the village.

The lingering stench of blood kept him company as he wistfully mused over his latest dream.

_Dream_, he reminded himself.

_Not nightmare._

* * *

**Reviews and advise would be great! Well but If you just survive through whole thing, I suppose I would be happy too.**


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